As if the mental torment was already driving me insane, now my legs are practically broken.

I don’t like my step dad at all. He never really treats me like a daughter, and I don’t trust his family a single bit. He’s relentless about me “not trying new foods” (wow) and calls me terrible things. Useless, mainly, which I hate. I always help my mom and sisters, there’s never a moment where I don’t ask if there’s anything that needs to be done.

He told me to carry a heavy water bottle case up to the car today. I’m underweight and have like 0 arm strength… it practically crushed my joints. But, I did it? I wouldve delined but that wouldve gotten me yelled at and I would’ve crashed out again. Of course when I got back home limping, my mom called my step dad and told him that. I had the pleasure of listening in to him calling me weak over the phone.

But my legs. ouch…

I’ve been crying almost nonstop since I lifted that case up. It hurts. My knees feel stiff. It’s difficult to bend them. I’m anxious if anything’s actually torn in my legs. I have good pain tolerance, it’s mostly the stiffness and numb pain thats on my mind. The general pain is an afterthought.

I think one of my worst fears is something happening to my body or mind that can’t be reversed. Like, if I were in a car accident and broke a bone beyond repair or similar. The thought is enough to keep me awake at night.

Crying changed after the entire school thing. Since that day, whenever I cry, my eyes sting awfully. Like really, really bad. I cry often so I’m a bit used to it though.

I don’t know… I’m just scared. Worried. My mom doesn’t even care. She’s never comforted me when I’m upset or in need, like now. She doesn’t even care about the awful things her husband does and says.

She doesn’t care about me.

Pain aside, I think I’m also sick. Thanks god! Super useful. I hate my life.